On the off chance that you lapsed into a brief coma over the past few days, Halloween happened last weekend and saucy costumed Craigslisters were missing connections with people in animal suits and Mad Men left and right. Fortunately for you, we’re not going to write about that shit. If you want publicity for your hypothetical love affair with period clothing (and the dude/lady inside those clothes, we suppose), you’re going to have to find some other sucker. We will, however, bring you a missed connection not for love, but for a pretentious vegan t-shirt at the Springwater.
Person of Craigslist: Erin (AKA: Shirt-Lover of a Female Morrissey Impersonator)
Category: Missed Connections
Who Is She:
You came to Scareoke and blew my mind with your Morrissey impersonation. I love Morrissey and I’m really happy you came and did that. You have short brown hair and was wearing a blue jacket, but the best thing that you wore that night was your shirt.I am not a lesbian, but I am in love with your “Ugly People Eat Meat” shirt.I WANT ONEI will give you whatever you ask for it. I’ve been vegan for 9 years and I’d love to wear one at Thanksgiving this year.My name is Erin. I was the girl with long, dark hair, sitting in the closest booth to the stage, your right.Please message me back so we can work this out.“Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want”Good times for a change/ See, the luck I’ve had/ Can make a good man/ Turn bad/ So please, please, please/ Let me, let me, let me/ Let me get what I want/ This time
Haven’t had a dream/ In a long time/ See, the life I’ve had/ Can make a good man/ Turn bad/ So for once in my life/ Let me get what I want/ Lord knows/ It would be the first time/ Lord knows/ It would be the first time
Conclusion: A missed connection for an “Ugly People Eat Meat” shirt? Are you for realz, lady? We’re as sympathetic to the cause as any unrepentant carnivores can be, but this seems a little absurd. That sure is some serious dedication to freak out your relatives on Thanksgiving (another option, try dying your hair blue one year, not that we’d know from experience or anything), but imagine the potential Internet-hurt and Internet-confusion you might cause this female Morrissey impersonator if she were to stumble upon this. Heaven knows she’ll be miserable now.
//Photo by Oliver Lopena. Have you ever noticed that Smiths song titles are basically Craigslist posts waiting to happen? “Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want,” “I Want The One I Can’t Have,” “This Night Has Opened My Eyes,” um… “Oscillate Wildly?” Whatever, you get the picture.